Why Most Intentions Fail

You’ve set an intention and you feel like you are doing everything right, but nothing is coming of it. That is totally frustrating and can make you want to step away from your practice because, what’s the point if its not working? We get that. Why aren’t your intentions coming to fruition? What can you do differently? Let’s talk about it!  

You set a goal, not an intention. What’s the difference? A goal is more concrete- a goal is something that you’re set on accomplishing in the future and can be a great motivational tool! Goal setting, however, can also make you feel somewhat stuck. When you’re hyper-focused on a goal, you may find yourself living less in the present and focusing more on this aspect of your future. This can also bring about the feeling of having less in your now because you are so focused on this future goal. An intention, however, is about living in the now. What does this mean? It means that rather than focusing on a substantial, maybe even stressful long-term goal, you’re living your day to day with the mindset that you will achieve. You will spend your days being who you want to be. You will accomplish. No if, ands, or buts about it! Because you’re living your day-to-day how you want to, that’s the first step in achieving! Living with intention is living outside of the realm of victory or loss, because the goal is to feel how you want to feel, regardless of outside forces. A goal risks setting you back, but an intention will propel you forward.  

Let’s dive into an example. Your goal is to write and publish a book. If you simply set this goal, you may find yourself feeling initially motivated, but having that motivation die at the first sign of struggle. Now, if your goal is to publish your written work and your intention is to be present and proud of the work you’ve accomplished, your first roadblock may feel just like that- a roadblock. But instead of feeling hopeless and unmotivated, you’ve made a point to be proud of your work- so you’re proud! You’re proud that you’ve taken the first step even if it didn’t work out. You’re proud of what you’ve created, and you won’t give up!  

Part of living intentionally is knowing that you’re living for yourself. Your wants, your needs, your desires. As social creatures, we as people might find it difficult to live outside of other people’s expectations. Maybe your parents are pressuring you for grandchildren, your siblings need you to babysit, your friends want to go out with you all the time. In your head, these things are reasonable. You say them aloud, they’re reasonable. You convince yourself you want to do these things. So you begin setting intentions around them, but nothing is working and your intentions just aren’t coming into being. Why?  

Setting intentions based on desires that you think you’re supposed to want is very different than setting them for something that you do want. Maybe you’re not a maternal/paternal person, despite your parents’ pressure. Maybe this makes you feel somehow like a failure to them, because according to them, you’re supposed to want children. Maybe, babysitting your niece is supposed to be an enjoyable activity for you, but instead of feeling excited about it, you’re feeling used by your sibling. Maybe, your friends expect that you want to see them what feels like all the time, but you really just need some downtime for yourself. And all these feelings come together into guilt for not feeling the way you’re “supposed to”. You set intentions surrounding this, and they fail.  

Here’s the thing- living outside of others’ expectations can be a hard transition but being truly happy and living intentionally requires living for yourself. So, maybe start by setting an intention around your friends. For example, you want to let go of the guilt you’re feeling about not wanting to go out so frequently, so your intention is to feel less guilt. How do you accomplish this? There are a couple things you can do- what’s important is that you choose the way that feels right to you! Maybe you have a sit down with your friends and let them know that going out so often exhausts you or doesn’t give you enough time for yourself. Maybe its as simple as just telling them ‘no’ when they ask. And when you live your truth in this way, whether the reactions are positive or negative, you can’t help but feel better in your heart because you were honest about your needs. Thus, you have set an intention for yourself and not for others.  

Setting an intention can sometimes be daunting. Knowing how to do it correctly, even knowing what it is that you truly want! Here’s a breakdown for you on how to set an intention:  

• Identify one thing that does not feel great in your life right now.  
• How can you make a change in this area? 
• Look at expectations. What expectations are you holding onto for yourself or others around this situation? Let them go.  
• Choose one step to take. Make sure its ONE step and something that you can actually accomplish right now.  
• How will you feel after this step is taken? That’s your intention!