In this week’s Expedition to Soul podcast, Sara caught up with Sisters Enchanted community member, Sharon Blue of Blue Empress Tarot, to talk about her secret to achieving an inspirational balance of work, life and self-care, thanks to her firm approach to setting boundaries.
One of the biggest barriers we see people share with us, when it comes to joining in with one of our online classes or challenges is, “I just don’t have time. Nobody in my house is letting me have the time.” People so often tell us, “I can’t do this one thing for myself.”
Build the Boundaries to Make it Happen!
Sharon says: “What is the point of having a business, making money, budgeting, all of this stuff if we don’t get to enjoy the life that we are living? This is a non-negotiable, we need to do this.”
A great example is the ten-day, child free cruise she and her husband took together to celebrate their tenth anniversary. A real aspiration right!? So how did they do it?
Sharon explained that they just HAD to do it. Their relationship was feeling the strain of two small children and the amount of time and hard work Sharon has been pouring into her new business. Travel was the thing they had enjoyed back in the days when it was just the two of them and they needed this time alone together to explore the world like they used to do. So, they pulled out all the stops to make it happen – it was non-negotiable! She put a big, unshakeable boundary around that thing happening!
But with two small children and no family close by to call on, and a growing business, the big break needed some careful planning. An especially good friend stepped in stay in the family home with the children and Sharon spent several weeks preparing the children.
She also spent time writing and scheduling her newsletter and social media posts so her business would tick over nicely without her while she was away.
Overcoming Barriers to Boundary Setting
You may be reading this and thinking, that’s great, I’d love to do this, but I’d never be able to leave the kids like that – I’d just be too anxious about being apart from them. Or my ‘mom-guilt’ would never let me put myself first like that, not even for one afternoon!
Sharon sure felt these barriers too, but she realised she had to overcome them for the sake of the whole family. Although Sharon loves and adores her small children, staying at home with them all day while running a business from the house day was beginning to cause resentment for her husband, free to leave and have real adult conversations!
Her husband was super-supportive of her busines, but it was taking all of Sharon’s time and energy to make sure it took off and was successful. They were no longer having their monthly date nights and, after a day with the children, Sharon was spending all evening working.
She recalls. “When you’re not having conversations, when you’re not contributing back to that relationship, it just starts deteriorating. And so we are like, “We need this because we need to jumpstart our relationship again. And remember who we were before we had kids. So that’s why it was a non-negotiable because our relationship needed that resuscitation basically.”
And although, “the mom-guilt was hard…What’s helping everyone, the whole family, is if mommy and daddy have alone time and then can come back and be more of a complete unit for our kids.”
Self-care is all about taking care of yourself first and taking care of other people and here in this case, taking care of that relationship – putting your oxygen mask on first so you can be better and more present for each other, your home, the kids, business and all of those things that we need to take care of and that cause barriers to our taking time for self-care.
The truth is – the very things we put in the way of our self-care actually need us to put our self-care first!
Make it Tangible
You may well be thinking now, sure I need more self-care for sure! I see now how I need to make it non-negotiable and that it would in fact be better for my kids, my relationships, my work if I put that oxygen mask on and care for me better so I can care for them better. But, unless you make some clear and concrete plans, the idea of more self-care can stay just that – an idea and no more!
Sharon says, “You have to make it tangible. And I think the minute that we decided we are doing a vacation for our 10-year anniversary, it probably took us about six months to plan and prep, to be able to do that.”
A 10-day cruise is not cheap! Sharon and her husband had to put aside and save the money to go. Then get daycare lined to cover times their friend, who works from home, would have meetings, they had to prep the house, the meals and get the children emotionally ready.
“There was a lot of finagling that had to happen. But when you’re fiercely committed to your goal and what you need to do for your mental health wellbeing, you do it. Self-love is at the heart of setting boundaries. Because if you look at it in terms of, Well, I’ll put it off for another day, put it off for another day, put it off for another day. It’s not just the vacation. It’s not just the time away from the kids or the date night, that’s putting away your self-care. That’s putting away a piece of what you need.
You wouldn’t say, ‘Well, I’ll just eat later. Yeah. I don’t have time right now. I’ll just eat my lunch at 3:00 in the morning.’ Your body knows it needs food. So you feed yourself regardless of how much time you have, you grab something, you go, you eat. And you have to look at what you need in terms of self-care, time away, time to build relationships and maintain relationships. That’s part of self-care too.”
You can find Sharon in all of our Sisters Enchanted community groups and at blueempresstarot.com. She has some great self-care goodies on her website, including her 7-day self-care challenge starting on June 27th, so be sure to head over there for those tidbits.
If there’s any topics you’d want to hear and read about on our ‘Expedition to Soul’ podcast, anything you want us to dive deeper into, shoot us an email at magic@the sistersenchanted.com.
Think about what life would look like if you, like Sharon, had the foundation to do the shadow work, understand where you’re holding yourself back, and the confidence to bring some everyday magic elements into your life, follow your intuition, and know exactly the steps forward for you.
Well, that’s what we teach you and more in our Holistic Witchery program. Be sure to get on the wait list for Holistic Witchery. It’s the one class we think everybody should take here at the Sisters Enchanted. It has changed so many lives and is at the core of all our fundamental beliefs about who we are and how we propel ourselves forward in a way that makes great change for ourselves and those around us.
Check out holisticwitchery.com, get on the wait list, and we can’t wait to welcome you into class. Just as soon as enrollment opens.
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